MooOb
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Self-sufficient" kind of love ... - 27/11/2008 12:16
Written by: Naris Manikhao
Translated by: MooOb
Can it be that deep down inside we all crave love and thats why we look for someone else to love us. Far too often, we feel hurt, crushed, disappointed, and even bitter if our love or affections are unrequited, or when we feel that people do not love us the way we want them to.
The bottom line is that love hurts when we rely on anothers love to make us whole. By so doing, we subject ourselves to the brutal force of love in all its ups and downs, sweetness and sorrow. We become ensnared in our own web, basking in the sweetness, wallowing in misery, feeling emotionally drained, stumbling as we go. And then one day, if we are fortunate enough, we come to realize that the most powerful tool anyone can possess is self-love, not the arrogant self-ego kind, but the kind that nourishes our soul and takes us on the road of kindness towards ourselves, giving us the ability to love ourselves and then the ability to love others. Step by step, we learn to treat those parts that we feel inadequate about with love, nurturing and warmth. We learn to fill the void inside, to drop the false façade, and forge an honest, open relationship with ourselves. We learn that we do not have to look for someone else to love us and to accept that not everyone can always love us the way we would want them to.
Self-awareness of what true happiness is does not mean that we are denying love. It is good to have other people love us. In fact, we cherish the love we have in our lives. The only difference is that we are no longer dependent on others for happiness; we no longer let insecurities get the best of us.
I call this Contented love or the empowering Self-sufficient kind similar to the philosophy of sufficiency economy. It is the kind of love that generates feelings of positive self-adequacy that, in turn, enable us to cultivate healthy, loving relationships with others, let alone helping them to discover or acknowledge the many gifts which they possess inside. This is the kind of love that saves us from depending entirely on others love and affection then end up choking them. It leads to a major shift in our inner world. It makes us feel more contented, more secured; it bestows upon us the ability to love purely or less conditionally, to expect nothing or less in return, and to love others for the goodness of their hearts. Ultimately, we find ourselves capable of opening up realms of peace, serenity, bliss and happiness deep within.
How can we nurture or embrace this kind of love?
I believe that everyone has an intrinsic ability to love this way, if only we would open our hearts and acknowledge it; if only we would allow ourselves solitude, a nourishing time of aloneness, to reflect on the love in our lives as well as the full range of gifts that we were born with. Stay with each thought a while, reflecting, reviewing, affirming and transforming it into love. In fact, whatever our belief or faith, a silent reflection of 10 to 15 minutes which could be preceded by prayers would be helpful for us in treating any parts of ourselves that we feel inadequate about with love, nurturing and warmth. This would make it easier for us to love the person that we are.
As I said earlier, this self-love is not the overbearing narcissist kind; it bestows upon us the ability to rediscover our true self-worth which, in turn, allows us to love ourselves as well as to live in harmony with other people and the world around us. It allows our natural compassion to flourish; it nurtures our desire to give from the heart, enriching the lives of others while giving ourselves meaning and contentment. When we value and respect ourselves we become open and friendly, slow to take offence and quick to forgive. Eventually, we come to realize the special joy of looking and living beyond ourselves.
Like many people before our time, and many like us now, there are times when we might find ourselves retracing our earlier steps, within the cobweb of loves ups and downs. However, there is a clear distinction between before and after, that is, we become less and less tormented by the brutal force of love in all its ups and downs; we have an ever-increasing ability to love ourselves which, in turn, allows us to radiate a beam of light that enfolds others and makes them feel good too. Can this be magic? You tell me ... 
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Self-sufficient kind of love by Uncle Ris, Follow the Sun, Naris Manikhao (for the Thai version please see http://www.carefor.org/content/view/1383/154/)
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